How to make your whole life a labor of love

labor of love

Here’s a strategy

Notice when you are telling yourself,  “I HAVE to do ______ something.”  Like,  I haaaaavvve to go to work, or I have to pay this bill.

Everything you do is a choice.  Change the way you talk to yourself about it.  Instead of saying I have to… say, I choose to_______, because _______.

Here are some of mine, I choose to work because I like having a paycheck.  I like paying for things I need.  I actually like doing a good job and challenging myself.  I choose to pay my utility bills because I really like lights, heat and fresh water.  It provides so much comfort in my life.  I choose to eat healthy because it feels good in my body and fuels me well to do tons of other awesome things.  I choose to workout because I know I feel awesome afterward and I love getting stronger.  I choose to fold laundry because I appreciate having my clothes organized and neat.  

Telling myself I HAVE to do something makes me feel bratty and snotty.  I end up rebeling  AGAINST MYSELF… duh!  Which feels even crappier.

Get to the “why” of your choices.  If the reason creates joy, love or even a scary excitement-do it.  If the reason makes you feel cruddy -stop choosing it.   

Begin to choose what you love and love what you choose.  Remember why you love it.

Post your own!! “I choose to ____ because ____.”  in the comments

Need help sorting your “I have to’s” out?  Get coached, let’s work it out or Contact me if you have questions about life coaching with me.

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I’m Here

I committed the worst blog crime.   I stopped blogging.  Me!  Miss life coach.  The one who helps other people create more awesome in their life, was not showing up and being very awesome on my blog.

I sifted through tons of excuses, and cruddy thoughts… and still, I did not sit my butt down and just write.

So today is the day.  That’s it!

This post could totally end right there…but I’m going to point out what I notice about the power of just taking a small simple action.  It’s acutally easy.  So many times we toil in our minds over details, learning more, worrying about what other people will think, perfection, being good…

My mind fussed, spit and sputtered, hemmed and hawed, until it just shut down…Give me a break, I can’t take this anymore!  I just need a fricken break.  jeez! Oh a break would be glorious.  Except it wasn’t.

My mind likes to make things super complicated and confusing… I don’t know, I just don’t know what do to… then methodically goes over all the reasons why I shouldn’t just go for it.  All that muddled confusion and twisted complication is a sneaking thing my mind does so that I can avoid taking action toward my dream.   It’s not confusing; it’s simple.

ENOUGH

I’m here, and I’m showing up on my blog (and in my life).  NOW

Do you find yourself making things complicated?  Then avoiding things you intend on doing; that are actually important to you?  leave me a comment.

Want to be coached on it? Need help untangling?  contact me

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Perfect

It’s a word that comes up in my mind, everyday, every hour…like almost every minute.

Perfection trots around in my mind on its high horse.  Taking the greatest pleasure in finding these things it calls flaws, pointing them out with narrowed eyes and a smirk.  Here’s what it says to me; Sorry you suck so much,  you poor, broken thing- you’ll never get it right, you must try harder. sheesh

STEP 1:  Me and my body go to work; trying to be better, toiling away, white knuckled, jaw clenched, laboring my feet and fingers to the bone… to be good enough to please perfection over there on its high horse.

STEP 2:  Until one day I look up at Perfect on its high horse and say…Ya know Perfect?, Fuck You and your perfectionistic smirk.  If my good enough isn’t good enough… I’ll just eat  a whole bunch of this left over Halloween candy, watch a movie, drink some wine, stalk people’s pictures on facebook, eat a huge bowl of popcorn, go shopping, stuff myself with a burrito, find other people to yell at, complain, ask other people to be perfect, look for flaws in other things and people… There! Like I said, fuck you perfection!

STEP 2a:  Or, sometimes it works like this.  I skip step 2 altogether, staying firm at step 1(teeth clenched, smile in tact-dammit).  I don’t actually tell Perfection to fuck off, my body does, by getting a slight cold or the flew or an injury that prevents me from walking. – jeez.

But here’s what I figured out about Perfection.

Perfect: A weapon I use against myself

I fashioned this weapon… and I emphasize I.  Yes, I created the weapon.  Then I proceed to beat myself with it. Makes no sense- right?  Here’s my crazy thinking, If I meticulously find all the things that are wrong (about me) and look at them with severe disdain, and beat the “crap” out of me… THEN I’ll be good, then I can be better, then I can finally get it right.  Problem is… when I really break it down, it backfires… every time… guaranteed.  I don’t get what I want.  I end up feeling…well… crappy.

Put down the weapon. Back away.  Arms and hands open. Surrender.

Turns out, you cannot threaten and beat yourself into reaching your goals.  Well, you might, but you won’t be able to keep up the battle, long term.

Since I created my ca-razy definition of perfect (and realize- it sucks)… I am redefining it

Perfect: ….hmmm…er, ehhh… I can’t seem to find the “perfect” words here… and that’s okay.  It’s more of a feeling; Awesome perhaps.  Sometimes it’s a quiet, inner awesome and other times it’s a big, honkin’, loud awesome. Either way… somehow it’s all good.

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I don’t fucking feel like this

Hey, Let’s face it… Lately, I don’t frickin feel like this picture

I’ve got this damn, persisting injury with my feet.  Physically, jumping for frickin’ joy is out of the question right now.  I’m physically not able to do what I used to.  My life is really different.  I thought I would share what my ca-razy mind has been doing.  You’ll enjoy these thought-gems. The injury has triggered quite the shit-storm in my mind.  First, I’ll share the shit-storm.  It’s so nasty.  Then my self-coaching, which is ongoing.  Here goes…

I can’t work out-what the hell, I can’t teach Zumba, which means- I suck; I miss my Zumba peeps; People probably think I’m just a big fat fake;  I have to walk like an asshole ( jeeez); my shoes are so ugly; I can’t wear anything cute; I’m not cute; I don’t know when I will get better- oh my gawd; Everything is so uncertain; I want my life back- now!; This shouldn’t have happened to me; I should be better by now. 

My mind is so dramatic. Even worse, there’s more… wait for it… This isn’t me; I’ve been sidelined from my life; I am not myself.

Well there’s the shit-storm. Yep, once I got my thinker unraveled, I realized what I had been telling myself.   Problem is, when I think like that, I feel completely defeated and then I don’t feel like doing anything… I mean nothing at all, except pinterest, fb, nag my hubby (he loves that), and stare at gorgeous shoes I can’t wear right now.  Oh and sometimes; I thought I was done with this, apparently not,… sometimes, Pizza (yes, it deserves a capital P).  So the results I create in my life are of a defeated person.  Hence, I am not myself when I think like that.  I didn’t know assholes had a certain walk.  Truth is, they don’t… I was just thinking like one.  Hah!

Here’s what I’m learning.  It is completely impossible for me not to be me.  I’m still me (duh). My life is different – and that’s okay.  It’s true, I can’t work out like I used to, but I have not been sidelined from my life.  I’m alive and that is pretty darn good.  I’m totally in my life.  In fact, I’ve got boat loads of evidence to prove how fortunate I am.  …and that is a relief.

I’m not Jumping for Joy.  This time self-coaching is leading me down a twisty, winding path that feels more like a quiet, inner peace.  Not to shabby.  I like it.

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Do diets really work?

I used to tell people, I don’t diet, because diets don’t work.  It’s more about your lifestyle.

What does that even mean?…

Some bullshit.  Truth is, I was on a diet for at least 20 years, that was my ifestyle… and it totally worked (Thinness).  No, it wasn’t the cabbage soup diet, the grapefruit and hot sauce diet, or the sausage and cheese diet.

How did my diet… no… “lifestyle” work?

A series of off-track and on-track (Eat too many cupcakes.  Then work my ass off at the gym)

A cycle of overeating and restricting  (Non-stop picking and snacking at a party, then eating “good” until I can’t stand it and do it all over again the next weekend)

Not exercising and over exercising (Watching back to back episodes of cake boss, to several hours in the gym)

Balancing my overeating slumps with hardcore exercise and restricting periods. (Order and overeat pizza four Fridays in a row, then no pizza for 3 months, telling myself I HAVE to do a round of p90x.  …I still ♥ P90X)

A rollercoaster of up-hill and down-hill. (Eating a big bowl of popcorn at night because I’m tired, but don’t want to go to sleep.  To the other extreme, going to bed super hungry)

Out of control, then “needing” to control (punish) myself, and ultimately the rebellion… REPEAT.  (tight pants, fitting pants, tight pants… ) You get the idea.

yet still, I was thin.

Thin, but not free

I needed to control myself around food.  Yep, I really thought my behavior was all food’s fault…(totally bogus thinking).  Accepting myself at times only because I was “good” and rejecting myself because I was “bad.”   I talked to myself in nasty ways;  You better eat good today, Don’t be so lazy, You should be better, faster, stronger, You can’t have that, who do you think you are?… you’re a failure.  Ouch, jeez!  I stewed, punching myself in the stomach with my thinking.  It didn’t matter that my stomach was thin, it still hurt.  No matter what size you are, the cycle of controlling and rebelling feels crappy.

Do diets work? They might, if the only goal is being thin.  It just takes so much control to keep the rollercoaster to thinness up and running.  Who was so controlling?  Me.  I despise being controlled… by me and then working, struggling, rebelling against myself.  What the whaaaa?

Working against yourself is exhausting.

I help people make peace with food… and themselves so they can have it all.

The body, the happy, the love, the life… without struggle.  True story

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Like a Boss

You are the boss and food is your trusted employee.  Interview your food and choose the best employees for the job.

Interview questions for food

  • How will you feel in my body? Definitely make sure you can stomach them being around.  I was disappointed in ice cream when I realized it was throwing wild, nasty parties and being lazy when I wasn’t paying attention… I had to let ice cream go.  Sorry, ice cream. It just didn’t work out.
  • Do you have lots of magical nutrients? Right now, I’m loving veggies and hummus, brown rice and beans, fresh peas, cherries, protien shakes, grilled chicken with salad, salmon, brocolli, cherry tomatoes, veggie burger on a 100 calorie bun,  cucumber salad, apple with peanutbutter.  What magical nutrient foods to you love?- list some in the comments  
  • How do you taste? These days I’m loving me some nachos!! Great nutrients?  No, not at all, but it’s fun having them around sometimes.  The key is I only really enjoy nachos to be around for 5 or 6 bites… okay sometimes 8 or 9… depending on how much my other employees got done that day.  Bottom line, I know when enough is enough.  It’s all about quality, not quantity.
  • Are you too salty, too sugary? I make sure to consciously evaluate their performance and pay attention to the quality of work they do.  As soon as I realize they are not performing to my liking I let them go.  This is my body and its serious business.  I only hire the best of the best.  No employee of mine is going to give me puffy eyes and lethargy. C’mon, please.
  • Will I enjoy the flavors? Will you taste amazing? In order to work for me, I have to like you.
  • Will you be able to provide high-grade fuel so I can live my kick ass life? …Because I am paying attention and I will be checking in.  Boss woman! She’s a watchin’!

I love this! I am the boss and I always have been… it’s just now, I make sure I get what I really want.   Feeling good in my body

Spread LOVE… if you like this, share it

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Psssssst… Your body doesn’t know what a calorie is

Count calories, keep track of your points, measure and weigh your food,  exercise your butt off, use the non-fat cool whip, eat from smaller plates, use a baby spoon to take smaller bites. what the…? (seriously, I tried that, saw it on Oprah years ago). All for being thinner, more confident, being… happier

Really? Trick yourself into eating less, moving more=confidence and happiness??

We’re just too smart for our own tricks. It works for a little while but it doesn’t last.  I bought into this stuff for years.  At times I would keep a detailed food journal, calculate each calorie. I came up with the amount of calories I should eat from some random (it’s scientific) formula I got off the internet.

Don’t get me wrong.  If you are doing this and you love it and it works for you …then friggin do it!… that’s awesome 🙂

For me,  all these techniques and tips took me away from my body.  I was so hyper-focused on calories, grams of protein, measuring and exercising, that I forgot to really ask my body how it felt.  Enthralled with food, labels, plates, scales, measuring cups, those numbers on the treadmill… I disconnected from my body.

Seriously… your body has no idea what a 1/4 cup serving size is. Bodies possess super smart, miraculous abilities.

Bodies communicate through sensations. They are physical sensations like different degrees of hunger, fullness, cold, hot, pain, weakness. Bodily sensations come from your body and travel to your brain.  Beware, don’t confuse physical sensations with emotions. Emotions come from your mind, and then travel to your body.  There is a big difference.  Physical sensations come from your brilliant body.   Thing is I used all these other thinness “tricks” that actually took the focus off of my bodily sensations.  I lost touch with my body and in the meantime, my mind created a struggle.

… need help? I have lots of tools to help strengthen your connection with brilliance – your body.  Sort out your emotions.  Love yourself.  Get relief from the struggle.  I know how to do that… because I’ve done it.  Contact me this week for special rates on weight loss and body connection coaching.

Here’s what I learned…. your body is brilliant, even if it is hormonal, p.m.s.ing, sick or tired… it is brilliant.  Re-learning  to feel and understand sensations in your body is amazing.  Your body has no clue what a calorie is. It knows when its full and it knows when its hungry and needs fuel.  When you can connect with your body this way, you don’t need to count calories because your body knows when you’ve had enough or need more fuel.  Your body knows what foods physically feel good.  Once I learned to trust it, the struggle was gone, the restricting and splurging was over, getting off track and back on track was irrelevant, punishing myself and my body was over.

I am free… and it feels good to be in this body.

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