I don’t fucking feel like this

Hey, Let’s face it… Lately, I don’t frickin feel like this picture

I’ve got this damn, persisting injury with my feet.  Physically, jumping for frickin’ joy is out of the question right now.  I’m physically not able to do what I used to.  My life is really different.  I thought I would share what my ca-razy mind has been doing.  You’ll enjoy these thought-gems. The injury has triggered quite the shit-storm in my mind.  First, I’ll share the shit-storm.  It’s so nasty.  Then my self-coaching, which is ongoing.  Here goes…

I can’t work out-what the hell, I can’t teach Zumba, which means- I suck; I miss my Zumba peeps; People probably think I’m just a big fat fake;  I have to walk like an asshole ( jeeez); my shoes are so ugly; I can’t wear anything cute; I’m not cute; I don’t know when I will get better- oh my gawd; Everything is so uncertain; I want my life back- now!; This shouldn’t have happened to me; I should be better by now. 

My mind is so dramatic. Even worse, there’s more… wait for it… This isn’t me; I’ve been sidelined from my life; I am not myself.

Well there’s the shit-storm. Yep, once I got my thinker unraveled, I realized what I had been telling myself.   Problem is, when I think like that, I feel completely defeated and then I don’t feel like doing anything… I mean nothing at all, except pinterest, fb, nag my hubby (he loves that), and stare at gorgeous shoes I can’t wear right now.  Oh and sometimes; I thought I was done with this, apparently not,… sometimes, Pizza (yes, it deserves a capital P).  So the results I create in my life are of a defeated person.  Hence, I am not myself when I think like that.  I didn’t know assholes had a certain walk.  Truth is, they don’t… I was just thinking like one.  Hah!

Here’s what I’m learning.  It is completely impossible for me not to be me.  I’m still me (duh). My life is different – and that’s okay.  It’s true, I can’t work out like I used to, but I have not been sidelined from my life.  I’m alive and that is pretty darn good.  I’m totally in my life.  In fact, I’ve got boat loads of evidence to prove how fortunate I am.  …and that is a relief.

I’m not Jumping for Joy.  This time self-coaching is leading me down a twisty, winding path that feels more like a quiet, inner peace.  Not to shabby.  I like it.

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2 Responses to I don’t fucking feel like this

  1. pamela lentine says:

    I think you are a totally awesome person Angie, you are just getting yourself in a better place, and you will when the time is right will be able to do all you do… I know from my own experince when hurt, I felt really low about myself… but remember the “Man up above has bigger and better plans for all of us… and I am sure your plan will be great… I miss you and I miss Zumba too right now, but I have things to attend to but I will be back and it will be so great… Take good care of you…
    Pamela Lentine

  2. linda says:

    Angie, you are so inspiring, if your jumpin up and down or laying down, You changed my life in some way’s, hope you know that. I was coming off of a year of my shitstorm and working out all alone, listening to my music, and I heard your Zumba music in the gym at Pieter’s, I thought I would try it, I made an ass out of myself but kept coming, you made me feel ok to make an ass out of myself in front of stranger’s, I know you think I was a deserter of sort’s, but I would say that you projected me out into the world farther at a time when I needed that. Thank you Angie. I still miss you and Angel and have been to a few event’s that you guy’s were doing and felt a source of pride in you.
    So just so you know. I think you are awesome, this will pass, life will go foreward as it alway’s done. A few time’s I did not think mine would, or how I would get through that time, but it did, I am still here. Take care of yourself, alot of people care about you.

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